Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kisah Seorang Wan Belon

Wan Belon is my dear friend, we worked together before, dinner together, went to the Jusco together, all in all, he is such a good friend.

Aku nak cerita lagi. Tapi jam sudah 5.30pm.

Aku balik dulu!

*sambungan Kisah Seorang Wan Belon*

Wan Belon more or less is a decent fucker, soft spoken, talks lesser than no one else and has a freaking good sense in fashion. He used to sit three tables away from me, minimizing his IE window just to check any other opportunities to steal and getting away from his current company (ie my company) to find his eternal solace.

And he did just nice, with a minimal effort of interview sessions, he secured a job in government. What most will proclaim "The hardest position to be penetrated in goverment sector". Well, anyone can say so, but I believe, the hardest thing to get in your life, is to fuck a mother of whole dolphins without being smacked dead on your head.

That's the hardest by far.

So he has left The Company with a little pride on his sleeve. Most of his pride has been stripped away down the toilet. Do not ask me why. You can ask Binjai.

Or the guard at Jusco. Hahaha ampunkan aku Binjai.

(Off the record: Dulu aku pernah ingat Binjai dengan Wan Belon adalah pasangan gay sebab mereka mesra bersama. Aku masih memerlukan pengesahan Makmi. Setakat ini they live in denial)

Time flies by unnoticed, it was worth of 4 months without him in the company, and I was the one who noticed that aku dah kehilangan seorang membe yang boleh dibuli. Aku merindui Wan Belon.

Then Azman's wedding materialized a few weeks shy to June. Faizal, Binjai, Wan Belon and I thought it was good if we could spend some time at Batu Pahat at Azman's Wedding Venue. It was a hotel. Nice secluded hotel in a town of most cowboys deny to stay. Batu Pahat.

Ahhh bugger. Aku malas taip panjang panjang. Senang cerita macam ni la, on the way balik Batu Pahat, Pejal take over drive kereta aku selepas Binjai dan aku cakap aku tak nak drive. Kenapa kami tak offer Wan Belon aa? Haha

Pejal pun drive la kereta aku dari Batu Pahat sampai ke Nilai. Along the road tu, kami singgah banyak tempat. Makan Mee Bandung Muar, makan durian kampung, makan kerang bakar berempah, memang layan mata kuyu je. Tapi part Mee Bandung tu aku tak berapa puas hati sebab brader tu hantar dua mangkuk lagi lambat. Nasib baik aku tak makan habis sebab Wan Belon habiskan mee aku. Haha

Dah exit Nilai, tiba tiba Pejal offer Wan Belon drive kereta aku. Erm, dia sorang yang skillful mungkin, getus hati kecil aku. Maksud aku skillful driver. Bukan skillful dari segi lain. Tapi sangkaan aku meleset.

Berikut kronologi pemanduan Wan Belon yang skillful

1) Keluar Tol Nilai, Wan Belon unskillfully sped terus masuk lane tengah walaupun dia dari lane paling kiri dengan tak tengok cermin kiri, kanan dan belakang. Bila Binjai tanya, Wan Belon jawab

"Aku tak biasa sangat bawak kereta auto bhai. Aku manual sumpah hebat gila"

Kami bertiga pandang sesama sendiri, dan membunyikan 'Hmmm' secara sekata.

2) Wan Belon absofuckinglutely a good driver sebab dia bawak kereta makan jalan orang. Nak tegur member kang kecik hati. Dah la Wan Belon jenis mudah terasa.

Binjai: Wan, kiri sikit Wan. Kiri sikit
Wan Belon: -----

Aku: (d*&*&F(**$&@)

3) Beliau bawak kereta macam Kovailanen sebab dia accelerate 140kmph 300 meters away dari roundabout. Mungkin ini first time Wan Belon drive kereta mewah bertransmisi auto, sampai kepala stone tekan pedal macam baru layan pot.

4) Dekat roundabout, dia terus masuk lane paling kanan padahal ada moto dekat belakang tengah speeding. Sikit lagi nak kiss bumper kereta mewah aku. Mamat naik motor 125Z angkat tangan sambil middle finger in the air. Binjai tengok mamat tu sambil senyum, then Binjai cakap

"Sorry bang. Kawan saya tak pandai bawak kereta auto"

Huhu

Haha


Nightmare kami belum berakhir.


5) Dekat Pekan Salak (kami masuk Pekan Salak bound to Kuarters KLIA sebab aku nak beli teh ais mampan) Wan Belon drive scary bedengung (scary berdengung = scary gila versi Kedah. Aku main reka ja. Haha). Dia drive sangat ke kiri and almost langgar kereta yang park dekat tepi jalan. Fuck serious one hell of the scariest moments in my life.

6) Dah lepas Pekan Salak, dia bawa kereta kat area kampung. Sebab dia sangat skillful, dia drive sampai keluar dari jalan, then langgar lubang besar cam gampang, then tayar aku pecah sebab terkoyak. Nasib baik rim tak bengkok.

Masa tu aku cool. Aku kan pemaaf.

Sampai sekarang pun aku cool sebab aku tak suka marah kawan aku.

Tapi cool pun, sponsor la sikit bhai.

Hahhahahahha

(p/s: Lepas pegi kedai tayar tukar tayar, aku drive sampai rumah. Dalam kereta dia tukar topik ke topik Awek Aku Apa Hal Off Phone 2 Hari. Pejal dengan Binjai layan. Aku senyap. Lepas tu aku kena tuduh gay. Haha)

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